How to Avoid Being a Chump
I’m a daily reader of the ChumpLady website, which is a great resource for people who are dealing with cheaters in their romantic relationships. I read it not because I’ve ever lived with or left a cheater but because it offers incredible insight into narcs and other personality disordered types, which I have had to deal with.
And one thing chumps talk a lot about is not knowing about the affair (usually multiple) for years, and therefore being blindsided when their spouse leaves them or the affair comes out.
All of them talk about later realizing there were red flags but that they didn’t recognize them as such at the time.
How to Recognize Red Flags with Clients (and Other People)
All of that is fair and understandable. But then they tell each other, “Hey, you’re a kind and loving person, you’re not supposed to be suspicious in a relationship.”
And this is where I call a time out for discussion because I have an important point to make.
The beginning of any relationship, at the meet-cute moment, you are NOT supposed to automatically trust the cowboy who just walked into the bar, the guy who sat next to you in class, whatever.
You’re supposed to be cautious. You’re supposed to consider that he might be dangerous, a liar, someone who might steal your money and leave you broke. You are supposed to be wary. So, what are you doing, buying his narrative? What about yours?
As romantic as it may seem, his (could also be her) enthusiasm is often in fact manipulation.
Look, I’ve been guilty of spotting a hot ass and fantasizing about living happily ever after with the owner of it, but I know that’s fantasy, not reality. Whether we have a future together takes a long time to establish, and the answer is usually no.
Chumps often talk about things that made them uncomfortable at the beginning but which they dismissed. Like belittling language.
Friend, if some man belittles you, your immediate impulse ought to be, “hell, no,” an Uber home, and immediately blocking his access to you from A to Z.
I want you to apply this same framework of wariness to your business dealings. Yeah, that new client is super eager to work with you, they love everything about your approach to editing, there’s just that little matter of never paying the deposit.
Instead of bending over backwards (“Sure, I’ll go ahead and get started, I understand!”), get the damned deposit before you start working.
If they belittle your efforts (“How can copyediting be worth what you’re charging?”) you do not rush to convince them of your worth (“Pick me! Pick me!”), you tell them so long.
The time to end a bad relationship is before you’ve sunk time, effort, and money into it, and that requires being wary from the start.
That doesn’t mean you won’t be chumped by a client—liars are really good at lying and manipulators are really good at manipulating—but being more wary will help prevent you from getting sucked in at least some of the time.
