Toxic Freelance Relationships
I wrecked two Christmases in a row as a freelancer for a publisher client. I was trying to salvage disasters that someone else had caused, so there I was, working feverishly all Christmas Eve and half of Christmas Day, trying to fix it. I couldn’t enjoy the season or time with my family because of these disasters.
Setting Boundaries with Clients
The next time this client came to me with a disaster, I said no. It was their problem to fix, not mine. I would like to report that they appreciated this stance and valued me enough to respect my boundary, but alas they did not. I ended up losing that client. But I never lost another special moment to work.
I drew that line not for them but for me. Because I needed to stop engaging in toxic work relationships – which freelancers, just like staff employees, can struggle with.
The publisher in question started off as a good client, but after a time, they pushed the limits. They treated me like staff (without any of the benefits of being a staff member) and eventually worse than staff. I didn’t stop them; I wanted to be accommodating.
If I had set boundaries from the beginning, I wouldn’t have wrecked two Christmases in a row. They might still be a client – one that doesn’t exploit me. Maybe not, but it’s possible. But that’s not the point, really: the point is, I wouldn’t have wrecked two Christmases in a row. My experience of life and work also matters!
Constantly making your needs smaller so they don’t bother anyone can be a toxic dynamic related to freelancing. You really want to make those clients happy! Of course you do. But . . . you don’t have to reduce your needs to nothing in order to have happy clients.
Did you do your job well or at last as agreed? Fine. You don’t owe anything else. The transaction is complete. If people want a premium experience, they can pay for it (oh, #cruelcapitalism).
A wise woman once said, “Don’t narrow your needs down so much that they no longer even cast a shadow.”
Freelancing should help you live a great life, not be the cause of suffering.
